A Dose of Pain
by ayuru kaen
Summary: A little poem about Soi's hang-ups, told in her perspective. Very mild angst. The end needs tweaking, but is bearable enought to read, so.. please do!


**Author's Notes: **okay, here comes the obligatory drabble: I do not own fushigi yuugi, nor do I have any holdings on rurouni kenshin and its characters (let us all clap for REALITY). Anyway, here is a short poem, in Soi's perspective of course. I simply thought that she needed a rhyme boost. Personally, the poem is certainly in my favour, but the conversation following it, not so much. Hah. You guys decide. Read and enjoy:)

**A Dose of Pain**

**By: ****ayurukaen**

_A cup of sadness, a dose of pain; _

_It's all I can do to keep from going insane._

_I let myself go; I'm under your spell._

_You laugh at your conquest while I'm feeling unwell._

_The blame is on me. I've drunk too much; _

_So shamefully addicted to you and your touch;_

_Madness surrounds me when we are apart,_

_That I can't calm this desperation in my heart._

_Intoxication and feverish dreams._

_The sky's the limit, or so it seems._

_I get so high above it all,_

_But the higher I get, the harder I fall._

_So hard to resist, tempting as it is._

_When gone, I know I shall dreadfully miss_

_The pounding need and heady obsession_

_To be in your presence, and in your possession._

"Soi," came the curt command. I didn't need to look at his face to know that he was annoyed. His tone gave it away. It truly does amaze me. I'm thinking it's a given that when you love someone, you tend to notice everything and anything about them. I've memorized the varying intensities of his stares, the angles of his smirks, the emotion in his voice (or lack thereof), and even the dangerous glint in his eyes. Sigh. Sometimes I know him too well. And sometimes, I don't.

"Nakago-sama," was my drone-like reply. Business was business, and pleasure was pleasure. Right now, it was all military concern. Later, when the soldiers were sleeping, and the palace would wrapped in silence, he may (or may not) call for me to come to his quarters. The rest, we leave to the night.

"Have those troops up and training every day before dawn. If we are going to war with Konan, we will not take any chances. And those so-called soldiers out in the courtyard pose as CHANCES. Understood?"

"Yes, Nakago-sama," I droned again, this time with a bow to the waist. I did not look back up, since it has become a routine for me to keep to my bowing position until he has left the room. After a few seconds, and there was still no shuffling of feet, my lower back had begun to hurt. I felt his eyes on me, but I didn't risk changing my position, thinking that he was testing me for stamina or what not.

Finally, after what felt like ten hours, I cleared my throat. My muscles were straining and stinging, and I was getting a little lightheaded from the blood rushing to my head.

"Is there anything else, Nakago-sama?" I intoned. Suddenly I felt extremely awkward talking while bent at the waist. What was he waiting for? The new year?

Giving a little grunt, I stood up properly, my eyes twitching slightly at the creaks in my lower back. He was still looking at me with that steely stare of blue. However, I couldn't read his eyes. Indecision pooled in my stomach as a cloud of dread filled my head.

"Soi, I won't be summoning you tonight. I have to see to Lady Yui. Save your energy for tomorrow. Those soldiers need some work." Then with a swish of his cape, and a flick of his beautiful blonde locks, he left.

Well, I thought, that was a way to end a conversation. A good stab right at the heart. Thank you very much Nakago. You truly are a bastard.

But that doesn't change the fact that I love you...

All at once, I felt hollow and defeated. Lady Yui, how could I even compete with her for Nakago's attention? She was from another time, a priestess, and she had the whole world to offer to him. I however, can only give him my love, loyalty, and my life, all of which are of no use to him.

Restless, I paced to the window of my bedchamber and watched the sky darken and shine with moonlight. No tears came, but the sting of my realizations was heavy and dull, like a blunt knife through my chest. Gripping the window sill, I drowned in hopelessness.

How I wish I had just remained in that bowing position forever, and had never heard him utter those words. I would have gratefully endured that small dose of physical pain, rather than suffer this profound heartache.

Oh for heaven's sake, I'm crying again...

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Ahahaha! Done! Oh dear, that really was horrible. Sorry for it, but I really needed to fill up the space. I just felt like I had to put some input in Thanks to those who finished it (or tried to). time to jump over a cliff now.. till the next, ahem, attempt..


End file.
